Friday, November 30, 2007

Capitalizing on the Writer's Strike

Here's an interesting tidbit of Kevin information for you: I know the birth date of every famous person. Ever. That is 100% true. Go ahead and quiz me.
Martin Luther King Jr.? Born: MLK Day.
Abraham Lincoln? Born: Lincoln's birthday.
Cinco de Mayo? Born: Fifth of Mayo.
I could do this forever.

However, when I was reviewing all this knowledge that's in my head, making sure that I'm still the smartest man alive, I came across what could be considered a sign from god, and that is this my friends: Winston Churchill, Mark Twain and Jonathan Swift were all born on November 30th. Get out of town!

New Year's Resolution #3 - Figure out how to make money off this completely arbitrary piece of information

Ok, so here's my new idea for a screenplay, since progress on the old idea for a screenplay is moving along at a less than speedy pace, due to its lack of being good. The year is 1881, the swingin 80s, and Winston Churchill is celebrating his sixth birthday by smoking stogies and punching Welsh whores in the mouth. Suddenly, he is greeted by the ghost of Mark Twain and Zombie Swift. Hilarity ensues! I see it as sort of a Three Men and a Baby (with Zombie Swift as the baby) meets American Werewolf in London meets Churchill, Twain and Zombie Swift punching Welsh whores in the mouth. I already have parts of the script planned out in my head.

Churchill: Oh hey Mark Twain, look! Ugly naked guy is putting his stuff in boxes!
(Mark Twain joins him at the window)
Churchill: I'd say from the look of it, our naked buddy is moving.
Twain: Ironically, most of the boxes seemed to be marked 'clothes'.
(Zombie Swift enters, eating redheaded baby)
Churchill: Zombie Swift! Are you modestly proposing things again?
Twain: A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Now here's the twist: One of the Welsh whores that Churchill punches in the mouth moves to America and gives birth to a baby boy. His name: Woody Allen. His birth date: December 1st. Just one day off, but man, that would've been weird huh?

Ok, I know there are some kinks to be worked out here, but I would like to point out, Hollywood (I know you're listening), that I will not ask for four goddamn cents for every time you sell this DVD. Where do I sign?

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