Thursday, November 29, 2007

A Man of Exactly 34 Passions

Let me tell you something that you probably didn't know about me -- I am a young go-getter. That's right. If there are things that are meant to be had, I will go and get them. That's called ambition, bitches. And so with this mind, I've decided to begin formulating my new year's resolution list a full month early. Oh yes, this is really happening.

But not only will I start making my list this very second, but I will also add on a new item every day until the new year begins, creating a 34 Point Plan for 2008. This also means that I will only do exactly one thing every 10.8 days. Why? Because I'm a go-getter.

So let's get it started:
#1 - Have sex with a cosplayer while she's still in costume

"Kevin," you may be vocalizing to your computer screen like a crazy person, "why would something as ridiculous as this top the list of your new year's resolutions? I thought you were a go-getter?"

First off, fuck you. Don't question me.
And secondly, I can actually give you a full list of reasons as to why this a good idea.
1) HOT. hot. hot. hot. hot. hot. hot.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C

2) Next, I would really like to have sex with a girl in full cosplay attire so I can brag about it to my fellow man. Can any males out there honestly say that they wouldn't kill to have sex with a girl dressed as Princess Leia? No, you fucking can't.

3) Cosplayers top the list of Things That Confuse Me But I Should Still Be Inside Of. A list that includes Ripley's Believe It Or Not museums, MC Esther paintings, algebra and Teddy Bear Junction (where do all those teddy bears come from?)
Here's a good example. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I like it.

4) Deep down, I would totally love to actually dress up like my favorite movie character, if I wasn't so concerned with looking like a complete idiot.

5) And finally, because I like discovering a state's statutory rape laws the hard way.

I have already begun progress on fulfilling this quest. Sometime next year I plan on attending something called "Yaoi-Con". Now, I don't know what a "Yaoi" is, but I can only guess it means "lots of sexy women" in that weird Asian scribbly language.

One more for good measure.
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