The new year's resolution section has now become so popular (and by "so popular" I mean that more than two people read them) that I'm now getting requests!
New Year's Resolution #24 - Do Whatever My Friends Tell Me To, If Only to Achieve a Momentary Spotlight and Minimal Laughter
Alright, first request comes from Alex.
New Year's Resolution #25 - Have Sex on a Horse
Hm, interesting request. Are there any psychologist in the audience? Can you tell me what it means when one of my friends wants to see me have sex on top of a equine? He also didn't tell me what I should be having sex with, which makes our friendship even more suspect from now on. Moving on!
New Year's Resolution #26 - Learn to Drink Things with My Penis
This one comes from Jeff and couldn't be more brilliant if it came from my own gloriously crafted mouth. I've tried making my penis talk before, but those results can be described as "unsuccessful" and "unethical" at best. First, I'll be drinking slurpees with my wang, then I will discover how to use it as a weapon. Next!
New Year's Resolution #27 - Stop Being Friends with Alex
Ok, I confess. That one was me. But man, that horse thing is just creepy.