Monday, December 24, 2007

The Slurpee-a-thon Continues

I am slowly beginning to realize that this slurpee is going to be the focal point for all mental activity today. I'm just that type of guy.

New Year's Resolution #21 - Redesign and rename Seattle's Roads

So when I first moved to Seattle, I had a serious problem with getting around. I mean, any kind of transportation in a new city is going to be understandably difficult, but I'm talking about serious moving issues here. And I would like to contend that it wasn't entirely my fault.

The first complaint I would like to make is that none of these streets go only north/south or east/west; they all kinda curve a smidge, oftentimes for no reason. There's been a number of times when I say, "Ok, I don't know where I am, but I know the direction that I was facing ten minutes and--what? Is that the ocean!? Fuck you Seattle!"

Second, the street nomenclature (there are some words that I just love to use, and "nomenclature" happens to be one of them. I know this makes me sound like a jerk.) For instance, I live on a street named 172nd Southwest. That "southwest" part is there because I'm in the southwestern region of Snohomish county, and there's seven other 172nds in the county. But, not only that, there's eight more 172nds in King county, which is a ten minute drive away.

Third, it's impossible to make a left-hand turn unless it's at a stoplight. Usually, in most cities, there's a big stupid curb in the middle of the road which prevents...convenience, as far as I can tell. Let's say you're a handsome writer looking for a slurpee at 10 in the morning, but the 7-11 is on the opposite side of the street. To quench your dream-induced thirst, you would either have to go to a stoplight and pull a U, or turn down the closest street and then turn right onto the street you were just on BURNING MORE PRECIOUS FOSSIL FUELS AND KILLING ORGANIC FREE-RANGE BUNNIES AND/OR KITTENS. The hypocrisy is not lost on me, as you can see.

New Year's Resolution #22 - Screw it. Just kick a city planner in the balls for this.

Not only are there immense problems with the roads themselves, but Seattle drivers are not bright, as I've mentioned before. Everyone considers those rectangular white signs with big numbers on them to be speed limits, instead of speed recommendations like the rest of the country. On more than one occasion, I have been the lone car in a three-lane road, only to have someone pull out in front of me. And, here's a good one, they stop at green lights. That's not a joke. I've seen that happen more than once.

New Year's Resolution #23 - Randomly Bitch about something of little importance
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