Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Bringing it to a Close

Technically it's 1:15 am on January 2nd, but I'm going to cheat and claim that this was written on the first to complete the New Year's Resolution series. Tee-hee!

In the grand scheme of my life, I think 2007 will go down as one of the more influential, at least, relative to the other years so far. I graduated school and promptly exited my humble Midwest origins for a more left-leaning disposition on the West coast. Both experiences were designed to, I don't know, educate me in some ass backwards manner, so I feel that it's only appropriate that I impart a basket of wisdom pearls upon your uneducated minds.

New Year's Resolution #33 - Share my deep and profound wisdom with the world

  • At the end of the day, do one more thing than what you think you have energy for. Keep doing this every day and eventually, nothing is hard.
  • Never be surprised at the living conditions one can become used to. Plain oatmeal, 25-cent Mac n' Cheese and turkey dogs may sound like terrible food to you, but for me, nothing could be more satisfying.
  • And speaking of Mac n' Cheese, when preparing a recipe, let it be known that a tablespoon of mayo can easily substitute two cups of milk
  • Mayo can also be put in espresso to create a drink I like to call Mayacano
  • Mayo is awesome.
  • You'd be amazed at how quickly you can lose weight if you walk every day. You can lose weight even if you eat mayo all the time.
  • Americano is water and espresso. Lattes, mochas, cappacinos, breves and machiattos are all basically the same thing -- espresso and milk.
  • People in Missouri are the worst drivers in the country.
  • Hair can easily be straightened if it's blow-dried right after getting out of the shower, with the blow-dryer pointed at a downward angle.
  • It's hard to wear a scarf and not look a little fruity. They are, however, the best thing for keeping you warm, so if you're a guy, I recommend laying it over the back of your neck and then just throwing one end over the opposite shoulder. Anything else looks a bit too calculated.
  • People in the Midwest actually are friendlier than most of the country.
  • Nobody will stop you from making an ass of yourself at a graduation ceremony. Though, the history majors in front of you will get annoyed when you start booing every name that gets called.
  • You go through toilet paper faster than you think you do.
  • Arabic is read right to left.
  • Mayo is awesome.
Alright, if that's not everything that I've learned, it's at least a good portion of it. And finally, the last new year's resolution, and what I consider to be the most important.

New Year's Resolution #34 - Live to see 2009, or at least the tail end of 2008
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