Monday, March 3, 2008

Democracy Wins Again!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have one question for you: DO YOU BELIEVE IN TEH MIRACLEZ???

Dmitry "Anna" Medvedev was born in Leningrad, 1965, and his life was to be one of hardship and struggle. Before he was five years old, his father was killed in a farming accident, and it was difficult to make ends make afterwards. Dmitry was unable to receive the same schooling as those in the upper-class, and was often found reading second-rate books and trying desperately to shake his unavoidable stutter. The children at the government-sanctioned would frequently taunt with names like "Stuttering Medvedev" and "Dmitry, he who is unable to speak properly", both of which rhyme in Russian. Through the hardship of growing up in a rural Russian community wrecked by poverty, Dmitry saw firsthand the poor state of affairs the country was in, and realized that the government could be the one to fix it. Even though he came from a poor family and had speaking problems, he wanted to rise to the highest office in Russia to change the situation for other families in the same plight. In fact, when asked by his third grade teacher what he wanted to be when he grew up, Dmitry replied, "Pah-pah-pah-pwesident."

Dmitry's political career would get its start at the University of Russistan, where he was double-majoring in Politics and Law (with a minor in French). Russia, being notoriously communist at the time, had no democratic system in any facets of its government until one day when Dmitry was arguing with his friends during movie night in the dorms over whether to watch "Police Academy 4" or "In Soviet Russia, Movie Watches You". He is reported by several eye witnesses as offering, "Hey, why don't we vote on it?" Ever since then, Medvedev has been a beacon of democratic fairness the world over. They chose Police Academy 4, by the way.

After his formal education, Medvedev continued his fight for democracy and freedom by organizing several extremely successful grassroots campaigns across the Russian countryside for positions such as "City Council Member" and "Member of City Council". There were only a few providences that did not vote for Medvedev, but he these didn't bother him, as he was just proud to be able to see free and fair elections happening in the country he loved so much.

And today my friends, this very day, from these humble beginnings (btw his mom died when he was like, eight), Dmitry Medvedev has been voted into office of Russian president by a landslide. His anti-governmental stance and harsh criticism of the former President may have been a hindrance to his campaign, but in all, the Russian people respected his candor and good-humored insight into the state of government. I can say with no exaggeration that today marks the beginning of a new era in Russian politics, one where freedom and democracy are the standards, and the people of Russia can be freed from the shackles of oppressive monarchies. Ladies and gentlemen, today, the citizen is the hero of Russia. Long live democracy.
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