Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Amazing Spider-Man 2 - The Parents

The presence of Peter Parker's parents in these movies has completely baffled me from the beginning. There isn't anything that these people add to the script, nor do they really have anything to contribute to plot or character development. I suspect, and hope, that with this second movie, they realized what a misstep it was to include them in the first movie, and strove to prevent them from reoccurring in future movies.

Let's start with the beginning. The very first scene in this movie has Richard and Mary Parker flying in a private jet. They are already on the lam, and fearful of their lives. The logical place for them to hide out from Oscorp is in their private jet, which was probably owned by Oscorp, and staffed with Oscorp pilots. I can't even begin to explain how dumb this is. Unless it's your own private plane and you're flying, do not get on a private plane if you're running away from an evil corporation. I thought this Richard Parker guy was supposed to be genius?

As if this wasn't stupid enough, the scene gets even worse. I guess Richard Parker needs to upload some important documents to somewhere. It makes you wonder why he didn't do that literally at any other point before now, if the files were so important. Like, maybe while you're waiting for take-off in the airport in that private jet you're in. But, ok, files are important, couldn't have uploaded it before you're in the air. Whatever. Then the dumbest assassin in the world shows up.

So the copilot, who knows exactly who Richard Parker is, walks out of the cockpit with blood on his hands. I still have a mark on my forehead from when I started banging my head against the seat in front of me after seeing this scene. If you knew you were going to kill the pilot, why not bring a poison with you and put it in his drink? Or strangle him? Or literally fucking any other thing that does require you making a bloody mess? And if you absolutely have to make him bleed, bring a fucking wet napkin? Shit is literally less than 3 dollars at Wal-Mart.

So Richard Parker is uploading this file WHAT COULD IT BE when the dumbest fight scene in the movie happens. Assassin pulls a gun and then there's a struggle, and somewhere in there, the dead pilot slumps over in his chair and pushes the plane into a nosedive. Hey, Assassin, what was your plan here dude? I guess he was going to parachute out of the plane at some point, but didn't he take any steps to ensure that the dead pilot didn't inadvertently crash the plane before he could kill the Parkers and put his chute on, which is exactly what fucking happens? WHAT WAS YOUR PLAN? It goes: scientist first, wife second, pilot last.

Ugh. So the wife gets shot and bleeds out, Richard Parker shoots open a window, and then some shit happens and somehow the assassin gets outside of the plane, minus the parachute he should have put on a long fucking time ago, and it's a race against time for Parker to open up his laptop and make sure this file gets uploaded. Almost, almost, almost....COMPLETED. Oh thank god. What a tense movie.

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