Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Dear Salvador - Tricking Rich People

You may have noticed that I'm sending you a lot of letters about how to interact with women lately. That's because you're right at this moment in your life when interacting with and meeting people becomes much more difficult (after graduating college). There's also a subset of men that are going to be pandering to you, trying to convince you that they know the easy tricks to get a woman into bed with you, that interactions between men and women are adversarial, or that you're some sort of modern-day hunter, out to bag the biggest game. That's all bullshit, and I hope that you hear at least one voice contrary to those notions.

To being with, let's conduct a little mind experiment. Imagine that you need to walk into a country club one year from now with the intent to convince everyone there that you are also rich. You need to think of the most effective and most convincing way to do so, so what do you do to prepare? How do you demonstrate to these people that you're rich? We'll come back to this later.

Dating is beneficial to you, even if you don't have sex. Again, a lot of guys are going to try and tell you the opposite, that if you take a girl out on a date and it somehow doesn't end up in sex, that you failed as a man, somehow. Not only is this not true, this is a terrible way to date, and will mess your head up. If you imagine a date as only a method from getting from point A to point B, you're not only going to be the type of guy who gets upset and whiny when he doesn't get laid, but the type of person willing to say and do whatever it takes to get a women into bed.

Instead, remember that dating itself is a valuable experience. Not only are you getting the chance to sit and talk and get to know someone, but it helps you practice at being a better person yourself. Take a look at yourself right now. Or better yet, take a look at me:

I am unshaven, and barely showered. My hair is about a week too late for a haircut. I'm wearing a sweater that's too big and pants that are too small with a hole in them. But, if you are were going on a date right now, would we look the way we do? No way. I would shave for one, get a haircut beforehand, wear clothes that fit and probably wouldn't wear such a bored, apathetic look on my face (which was totally unintentional by the way. That's just how I look most days.) Not only in appearance, but demeanor as well. I would be much nicer, more prone to smile, more willing to ask questions. In short, I would be a better person than I am right now.

The more that you date, and the more than you practice being this person that is slightly better than you are, the more you become that person. If I was clean-shaven and smiling every day, I would just be a clean-shaven and kind person.

But then, attraction is based off more than just looking, smelling and acting nice. I am, for example, much more attracted to a woman that has a successful career than I am to a homeless woman. Attraction is also based around value. If you're a very nice, very handsome guy that lives with his parents, you're probably not going to attract anybody with any real value, or, at best, someone extremely vapid.

Ok, so back to the country club. Did you figure out how to convince everyone that you're rich? You may have thought about buying the nicest clothes, or researching stocks, or finding out ways to outright lie. The best and most convincing way to demonstrate your value here is to actually be rich. If you're actually rich, you can most easily convince people that you are rich. Right? I mean, this shit's not rocket science. And if you lie about it, you're more likely to get caught in that lie.

This seems like a relatively simple concept to me, but, again, some guys are going to try and convince you otherwise when it comes to dating and interactions with women. They will tell you that if you want to impress a woman, you should straight-up lie about your accomplishments, or make up a story, or show off some simple trick that a monkey could do. I knew a guy who used to do this when talking with women. He didn't want to admit that he was a teacher (like me) because I guess this wasn't cool enough for him. And so he would flat-out lie to women when they asked him what he did for a living, telling them that he was a "social researcher" or some bullshit. When they asked questions about that, he would just deflect and change the subject. After that, he would try a magic trick. I shit you not, a magic trick. Like Barney Stinson.

Putting aside how sad it is to have to lie to someone just on the offchance that they might have sex with you (It didn't, as far as a I could tell), why not just become a researcher? If you want to be that researcher, then just go do it. Barney Stinson was genuinely interested in magic tricks and loved doing it just for the sake of it. Instead of lying about having that value, you will actually be that valuable. And, as a cherry on top, you'll be more seen as more attractive for having that value. Seems like a win-win, right?

In short, instead of lying to people are trying to make up a value for yourself, you should go out and create value for yourself. You will be more attractive in the eyes of the women you meet if you are the type of person that taught himself a skill, or created a business, or paints landscapes in his free time, instead of the guy that lies about things he wishes he could do.

Your Useless Mentor,

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